Lost in Translation Part 2

And yet another crazy translation:

Lost in Translation

There is something really twisted when attempts to translate a language is lost in translation.  I recently found this in a Japanese store.

WTF?  Does the Japanese know something more about these two items?  What a fracked up correlation!  This reminds me of high school reading comprehension tests. 

Example -
Dog :: Food
Barry Manilow :: ?

A) songs
B) music
C) musician
D) botox
E) artichoke

The answer is.....

According to the Japanese, its frackin ARTICHOKE!  And not any type of 'choke but GLOBE artichokes.  (I would have guessed D).

Oy-to-the-mutha-frackin-Vay!

Philip Enos, Get Your Act Together!

As tragic as it is, Typhoon Washi kills at least 400 in the Philippines.  That is Gods way of telling you to take care of your shit or I will start eliminating you on a grander scale.  Really, what makes you think that God doens't know that your people are kidnapping children?!?! Duh!

Only in Hawaii

While Hawaii is attempting to recycle, the campaign has attached unique signs to help distinguish recycling receptacles:

"I can't read, but you think I can count?"

The store is assuming that the patrons they are targeting is unable to count to 15.  However, they failed to recognize that these patrons probably can't read English!!! 
EPIC FAIL!

It's the Pocho Way

So how do Pocho's transport mattresses? 

On top a mini SUV with no racks and no rope to tie it down.....but it's ok because the Pocho is holding on to it by hand!!!  It's the Pocho way.

Jacked Up City Signs

What the frack!  So which is it? Can I turn? Yes? No?

Items that should not be purchased if it's marked down

Spotted on the CLEARANCE RACK at the local Bed Bath and Beyond.

There are certain items one should not buy at 50% off!

My year in review...part 1

Just like every other fricken person, I too will ASSess my year and decide whether or not I was wasting time or doing great work.  Ok, the last one is a bit of a laugher but I will repost my list shortley!

Until then....get a load of this awesome picture!  It is corrective surgery gone hella-wrong.  Why would one want a butt-lift.  Only J.Lo can have a J.Lo ass.  Only KimK. can have a KimK ass.  But I don't want to burst anyones dreams, just get the ass you want the healthy way....climb some fricken stairs!  Get off your fat ass to get a nice ass! Bwahahahaha. 

Here you go!  I almost peed my pants.

Are you for real? Really?!

Get ready for a really good laugh .......OR......you may hurl at the sight.

The following "visual" landed in my range when meeting a friend for dinner.  Ok,  I almost lost my appetite.  But it is also CRAZY that I sat there for a few extra minutes to take this picture.  I was just in shock!  I also felt the need to share this crazy sight with others.  I am in disbelief.

Is this person a bit "nuts?"  Locals may think he escaped from Red Roof (the local "hospital").  However, if you look closely, the man is actually wearing a nice Panama hat! 

More emphasis...the man is also eating a bag of peanuts!  WTF?

WTF Wednesday: Why won't you just leave a message!

What The Frack Wednesday:

The invention of caller-id was not necessary, but very useful when random callers repeatedly call.  It's great to ignore those pesky sales calls that come while you're in the midst of doing something.  If you call me and I don't recognize the phone number, I have the choice to not answer.  LEAVE A MESSAGE.

An hour later, the same number is identified, and yet again, straight to voicemail. 

If it's an emergency, why won't you just leave a message!?

Day 2 and more calls and still NO MESSAGE!   I begin thinking, "who the hell is this?"  My curiosity is beginning to encourage me to actually answer the next time they call.

The call comes while I'm eating lunch.  Ignore.  Voicemail.....and OMG, they leave a message!

I decide to wait and finish my lunch before checking the message.  I *ring*....really!?

Agh!!!!  It's a frickin WRONG NUMBER.  Some kid looking or EXPECTING his girlfriend to answer the phone.   Really?!  OM-FRACKIN-G!!!!!

An hour later, the call again.  Hah, I'll answer you now:

"Listen, I don't know who you are but you got the wrong number."

"Who dis?"

"You got the wrong number.  Whome ever you are looking for, this isn't her number.  Stop calling."

Click.

I think to myself, "good job."

Uh, idiot boy calls two minutes later.  AND I ANSWER:

"STOP CALLING!  YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER!"

Click.

This better be it.........*sigh* I really think it is.

Is it really necessary to urinate on the curb?

I guess this may be the only option for the homeless woman who wheels around Chinatown. Looking dirty and smelling really bad, she rolled pass me. What's the rush? Well, she had to pee!

Unfortunately, she decided to stop along a very busy roadway, get out of her chair, and squat off the curbside! Agh! When I looked down the road, cars had to change lanes just to avoid hitting her. The people standing at the bus stop accross the steet stared in disgust. Walking pass, "agh, the smell!" Really lady?

At the very least, go squat behind the bush! But no, you decide to showcase your lady parts, to everyone.

I am thankful I wasn't standing across from her, I may have just lost my yummy dim sum lunch.

Complaints & Gripes

WHERE'S THE BREAD?

When dining at a restaurant that has consistently served quasi-descent food, I am not surprised that I was given this bread roll to eat along with my buttery escargot:

"Um...helllerrrrr, how am I suppose to soak-up the butter with just crust?"

Another problem that occurs is hot soup served cold. Uh, duh....how can this be? So in an attempt to fix this problem and resending the bowl back to the kitchen, maybe we order the soup extra hot; like ordering an extra hot latte from Scarbucks. Uh....still not hot! WTF!? C'mon folks, how hard can this really be! Even though this occurs a lot, one may say, "don't order it." But, the fact is: the lobster bisque is so frackin good....when HOT!

TASTY DIM SUM BUT TERRIBLE SERVICE

Yes...in order to have some of the most tastiest dim sum east of China and west of San Francisco, one must endure the servers that pretend to not speak english in an english speaking state and to forget part of your order and now one must double check the bill. It is what it is; and we endure it for great food.

The man cannot help it...it is in their DNA!

I learned that men have this biological chemical variation called the vasopressin recepetor gene. Males who have this gene are proned to be a trusting, realiable sexual parnter. Those who lack the vasopressin receptor gene, are disloyal and seek sexual variety elsewhere. Shocking!?

This explains why some men stray from relationships, they seek out more than what they already have. This is a great explanation at one of the many reasons why men seek out more. Sorry ladies, this is apparently true, but it also explains that it is sometimes not your fault. Men will be men, it doesn't mean that the female was in the wrong.

My very first...

It is simply amazing how others can be clueless to the general courtesy of disclosure. For those people who reject someone via email, FRACK U!

I understand all the possible barriers that may limit someone to addressing the situation appropriately, but really? To send a rejection email to a group of people without hiding the other victims....well, where's the courtesy in this? Maybe we can contact each other to comiserate together or plot something...

My very first, mass rejection via email. Whatever frackin people. I now have a better understanding of the level of respect and professionalism you are in.

A definite WHAT THE FRACK moment. Ces't la vie!

Take responsibility and stop talking out of your arse!

I notice that people like to spew motivational comments when they are unable to practice what they preach. Hypocrites! Talk the truth and stop talking out of your ass! You look like a fool, lose all credibility, and lose any respect I may have had for you. My expectation of general goodness is lost on those who just can not manage to be honest. What is there to hide?

If you have something to say, make sure that you actually believe what is being said. Talking shit only enforces your idiocracy and lunacy!

Why do I bother sometimes?

I have the urge to make dinner for everyone. This doensn't always happen like this. I get requests to make something in particular, I want to eat something specific, or I'm too tired to make anything so everyone must fend for themselves. I sometimes don't know 'how to' make dinner just for me; the result is leftovers, or food for the masses.

For those who come in to eat, well, eat it and be thankful. I don't want to hear how I should have made it or a completely new recipe that doesn't even resemble my final dish.

Just shut up and eat it! Or don't eat it! So many comments; as my grandma used to say "Too many cooks, get out of the kitchen!"

Why do I bother sometimes? I thought I was being helpful, but the problem is that I was 'expecting' some sort of appreciation for my efforts. I have to remind myself AGAIN, to just do it for the pleasure and whatever happens, happens (or doens't happen).

I think this is an endless battle; and instead of letting this get the best of me...I need to just ACCEPT IT FOR WHAT IT IS!

And to all those who want to 'suggest' to me how it should be done...well.....make it your damn self!

It is not that easy Walgreens...

C'mon now Walgreens. Did you really think it could be that easy to sell a DNA Testing kit? Thank goodness for the FDA for stepping in.

"These kits have not been proven safe, effective or accurate and patients could be making medical decisions based on data from a test that hasn't been validated by the FDA," said agency spokeswoman Erica Jefferson, in an earlier statement Wednesday (http://www.wtsp.com/news/national/story.aspx?storyid=131959&catid=81).

Walgreen Co, said late Wednesday that it had decided not to stock the tests until it has "further clarity" on the issue.

People, do it the legit way. Use a credible company, not your local drug store where you can buy shot glasses, toilet paper, alcohol, make-up, dog food, and souveniers. Really people, use that amazing organ we have that is located in our head!

Really? Is she sane or maybe a bit insane?

I drive up to the corner and find myself sitting at the red light. Windows partly up and listening to the traffic report. I notice a woman sitting on the bus stop bench. As I think to myself, "oh, that's a pretty dress," the woman kicks off her shoes.

I continue to think, "good for her, she must finally feel some relief."

She continues to pull her long dress up above her knees. "Is she hot or something?"
I turn to look at the light, "...still red..."

The woman lifts her left foot and places it up on to her right knee.

"What! Um....lady....you may want to shut your legs here....you are in public!"
The woman proceeds to start picking at her heels. "Agh, you've got to be kidding me!"

I now notice her feet and legs do look a bit dirty. Her hair is really messy. "Is that dirt on her face?"

She appears to be happy at her current state, she's smiling and picking away.
The light turns green and the cars creep forward a bit; but stop to wait for the pedestrians to finish crossing.

"Yikes, what is happening?" The woman continues to lift her leg and I can't stand to witness anything else.....

It is too late. I see it all. She isn’t wearing any underpants.

"All hell, this woman isn’t right in the head. No wonder no one wants to sit next to her on the bench."

I suddenly feel my chest constrict....and my throat begin to spasm.

Ok, I just barfed a bit in my mouth, "Damn this insane woman, damn her!"